Cricket star reveals he needs anxiety drugs to deal with father's death

Ben Stokes has revealed he is taking medication for anxiety due to his ongoing mental-health issues as he continues to struggle with the death of his father.

Stokes opened up in a new Amazon documentary, Phoenix from the Ashes, that will be released on Friday in which he also expresses his anger towards a perceived lack of support from the England and Wales Cricket Board when he was charged with affray and subsequently cleared at Bristol Crown Court in 2018.

The current England Test captain is now a passionate advocate on mental-health issues after taking a break from the game last year. In the film he reveals it was the death of his father, Ged, his anger and guilt over a story in the Sun about the murder of his half-siblings before he was born and the pressures of playing international cricket and dealing with injury.

"I've never spoke about this stuff," Stokes said. "I was catastrophising quite badly about stuff. I never thought I would be on medication to help me for that kind of stuff. I am not embarrassed or ashamed to say it because I needed the help at the time."

He added: "But it's not done just because I'm back playing. I still speak to the doc, not as regularly, and I'm still taking medication every day. It's an ongoing process."

Stokes also details how he told an ECB official to "f--- off" when he asked him for a selfie on the night of the 2019 Cricket World Cup final, laying bare his relationship with those who run the game's governing body.

In an interview with Telegraph Sport he also reveals how he wants to change English sport, not just cricket, and says there should be no cut in county championship matches. He says Jos Buttler, the one-day captain, and himself should be consulted as part of the ongoing review into domestic county cricket currently being conducted by Sir Andrew Strauss.

But it is his anger towards the ECB that simmers under the surface of the film, which features interviews by Oscar-winning director Sir Sam Mendes.

Stokes does not name anyone at the ECB - calling them "suits" - but it is clear he is referring to officials at the board when asked if he has any lingering anger over how the governing body treated him when he was arrested in Sept 2017 and subsequently dropped for that winter's Ashes tour.

"Few people, yeah quite a few of them wear a suit as well," he says when asked by Mendes if he felt let down by anyone during that period. "Still there. Always will be," he adds.

His anger boiled over as England celebrated the World Cup final win at Lord's in July 2019. "One person in particular tried to ask me for a selfie. He is someone who wears a suit. I turned around and told him to f--- off. If this person did not know how I felt towards them, they did know the night of the World Cup final."

Cricket dictated when I could see my dying father – I was angry at the sport.

An exploding glass bottle, says Ben Stokes, provides the best analogy to explain how he reached the point last year of walking away from cricket indefinitely.

"For a long period of time, not just a couple of weeks, or a couple of months, but I'd say for a few years, I was just putting everything emotionally into a glass bottle," he says. "And when something else would happen, I'd just keep filling that bottle. Eventually, the next thing that went in was going to make that glass explode. That's what happened. It's just a culmination of stuff over a long, long period of time."

There was the low in 2017 of losing the England vice-captaincy and missing an entire Ashes series before his subsequent acquittal of affray after a fight outside a Bristol nightclub. There were extraordinary highs during the glorious summer of 2019 when a man-of-the-match performance in the Cricket World Cup final was followed by arguably the greatest Test match innings of all-time. And then there was the unwanted public airing of the awful family trauma that saw his half-siblings shot dead followed, in December 2020, by the loss of his father Ged to brain cancer.

Each episode is candidly dealt with in a raw new film - Ben Stokes: Phoenix from the Ashes - which follows Stokes through a rollercoaster period during which he removed himself completely from cricket after a series of panic attacks, including a 6am call from the toilet of a hotel room to agent Neil Fairbrother in which he was in tears and struggling for breath.

Stokes now admits that he felt a deep resentment towards cricket, despite all the happiness and pride it had given his father, for how it interrupted their final visits together in New Zealand.

"The last time I was able to see my dad alive I had to leave because I was going back to play cricket," he says. "So I had a real thing with cricket at the time I took a break. I was really angry at the sport because it was dictating when I could see my dad." Stuart Broad met regularly with Stokes during his break and genuinely thought he may never play again, but he was back within six months before being appointed England Test captain earlier this year.

A centre-piece of the film is an interview between Stokes and Sir Sam Mendes - the Oscar-winning film director - that was conducted just two weeks after he had announced his indefinite departure from cricket in July 2021. "The interview with Sam…that bit was awesome because I was watching myself at one of my lowest points," says Stokes. "Surreal. I was looking at myself, knowing it was me, but I was processing in my head: 'Who is that bloke? Who is that guy?'" Stokes says that he resembled "a shell… nothing behind my eyes" and the contrast with the hugely enthusiastic and largely smiley face during our interview is certainly stark.

England might have been beaten inside three days last week by South Africa but the gamble to make Stokes captain has appeared inspired this summer, not just with victories over New Zealand and India but a bold attempt to overhaul the team's whole ethos.

It has so far also provided an intriguing answer to those who might question whether Stokes, who is open about his ongoing mental-health challenges, should have the added task of captaincy.

"Unfortunately that's a stigma attached to mental health - because I took a break for mental health, for some reason that means I can't be captain of my national side," he says.

And far from adding to the imaginary 'glass bottle' that was shattered previously, the responsibility has so far provided a purpose that has only enhanced his motivation and seemingly lightened the emotional load.

"What it's allowed me to do is actually be more vocal about the path of leading this team," he says. "The motivation for me is to change the sport in England - change the mentality of how the sport is being played. I feel as if I have got a responsibility to help guys feel confident and to install a winning mentality towards everyone who represents England. Something I really enjoy is backing people up when people doubt them. I've got no individual or personal goals out of this. I just go: 'How many times have I performed to influence the game for the team?'"

Stokes then identifies what he calls "an English mentality, an English way" of frequently finding a negative from a positive and says that he will always risk defeat in search of victory rather than settle for a draw.

"A great example is the New Zealand series - the Headingley chase where Jonny [Bairstow] was ridiculous," he says. "It was all, 'unbelievable to watch, fantastic Test match, but you're not going to be able to do that every single time'. C'mon! Please breathe some positive air."

The influence of Shane Warne, a kindred spirit who Stokes played with in the Indian Premier League, is easily sensed, and the Australian's contribution to the film now carries a particular poignancy and power.

Warne calls Stokes "the hardest trainer I ever played with" and points out the wider impact of his selfless approach. "Fans love match-winners," says Warne. "They wouldn't have a clue what they average - what they remember is how they play the game - and Ben plays the game in the right way." Warne was, of course, never made Australian captain and the impression that Stokes will also be ready to challenge officialdom is repeatedly evident in the new film.

Asked if he felt let down by anyone following his arrest over the Bristol incident in Sept 2017, Stokes replies: "Few people, yeah, quite a few of them wear a suit as well". He then also reveals that he told "a suit" who wanted a selfie in the immediate aftermath of the 2019 World Cup final at Lord's to "f--- off", adding: "If this person did not know how I felt towards them, they did know the night of the World Cup final."

'More work needs to be done so playing three formats is sustainable'
Stokes announced his retirement from 50-over One Day Internationals in July, citing how he no longer finds it sustainable to play in that form of the game on top of Test matches and the T20 schedule.

He also openly outlined his feelings earlier this month in respect of the ongoing review of English cricket and suggestions that county championship cricket could be further cut. The idea is already causing a backlash among grass-roots county members and Stokes has made it clear that they would have his influential support.

"Everyone is allowed an opinion - just got to be brave enough to voice it I guess," he says. "If someone doesn't like your opinion and says, 'stop doing it', I'm probably not the right person to come and tell that to. I'm not arrogant and stupid to think no one else is allowed an opinion.

"What I want to see is more work done to allow all three formats to be sustainable to people who want to play all three formats. What needs to be looked at there is the structure of not only the international calendar but also the county calendar in England. Personally my opinion is that taking away county championship fixtures is not the answer.

"It's not going to be an easy fix. You're never going to get the right answer to everybody. That's just life. But it will be nice to be maybe included a bit more as captains. Myself and Jos [Buttler] would love to be a bit more included in stuff like this to help come to a decision. But I'm not at all having a sly dig at anyone here - I'm just voicing an opinion that I feel like I'm entitled to have."

Stokes will also continue to speak with similar candour about his own mental health, and how he thinks it has helped make him a better captain.

"The best way is just to take every day as it comes, and not wake up and feel like you have to be someone you're not on that given day," he says. "Some days you are going to have really good days. Some other days, you just wake up and you don't feel as good as you did the day before. But then, on these days where you don't feel as good as you do before, try and not pretend that you're fine. That's not sustainable, that's not a true reflection of how humans are.

"Most days I feel pretty good, like pretty chilled, normal. But then some other days I'll wake up and I'll just be like: 'I can't be arsed doing anything today.'

"What it's made me do is understand other people. I feel as if I can notice different emotions of how people are.

"I find sometimes people are a bit nervous to go into the detail about that kind of stuff with me. It's perceived you can't feel a certain way - that's a sign of weakness to show that you are not mentally feeling great. People think they can't ask people who have struggled. No. It's fine. I'll happily tell you as much as I possibly can."

The ongoing nature of the challenge is also acknowledged in the film. "Set-backs are your biggest teachers," he says. "The saying 'Phoenix from the Ashes' was pretty much perfect for me. I'm not out on the other side yet but, to be able to manage it every day, I see that as a huge accomplishment."

This article was first published on nzherald.co.nz and is republished here with permission